you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
