He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
