the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
