I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
nutella sex= disaster
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
