at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
