Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
