Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize