i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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