So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
