dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My ass is underappreciated
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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