Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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