apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
