i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
