You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I think my fart just growled at me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
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