My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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