Duck Duck Cougar?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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