Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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