im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
