I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so that wasnt chicken after all
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
