I smell stomach acid.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
