oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
