I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
