Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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