why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
