I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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