The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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