i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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