Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
