I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Sober January is a disaster.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
bring money and cleavage
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
