i already hear my dad disowning me
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
