After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
