i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
