living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize