im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
