he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
