chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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