I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
