Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
