walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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