Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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