you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
