You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
