I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
