dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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