I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
