My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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