did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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