just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
