youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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