Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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