Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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