hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
