with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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