Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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