Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
