did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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