mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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