I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize