So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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