I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
