Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
