I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
