Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Come on in and take your pants off
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