do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
