i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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