now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
