my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize